A Time to Grieve

Dear Friend,

My mother passed away on January 31, 2024.

I hesitated in typing those words because it’s sad, and who needs to hear about another sad event, right? Also, I tend to be a private person. However, the very purpose of these letters is to share the vulnerable, the scary, the unsaid, and yeah, sometimes the sad. As with a lighthouse, I hope these letters are a beacon of light for you, not so that we can ignore the storms of life, but that together, we can find a way to shore.

My mother was eighty-seven and one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. She was one of my biggest fans, a constant cheerleader, and loved me unconditionally. After surviving three types of cancers over the course of the last twenty-one years, she battled kidney failure in her last five. Did I mention she was strong? Hahaha. She endured much in her lifetime, but that’s a story for another day.

On that last day with her, hospice had been called, and I sat in her room praying while her favorite hymns played from a boom box. Let me tell you, there was such a poignant presence of the Lord in her room as she took her final breath. It’s a moment that held such sweet sorrow for me; knowing that this woman who lost so much in her lifetime was gaining eternity with her King, and also knowing how much I would miss her—despite the complexities that existed between us as mother and daughter.

Complexities in our relationships are completely normal, I think. It’s part of being human. So, it also feels normal to wish that over the years, I could have been more of this or less of that and I wonder if I did enough for her. Mostly, I hope she knew how much I loved her. And I truly wish she could have seen one of my novels published.

So, what’s a gal to do with all these complex thoughts and emotions?

Warn people—better be nice to your aging parents because you’ll be sorry if you don’t?

That’s not my intention. I simply want to share my experience with you and reveal how my Father God works in my life.

So, what do I do with this sadness and grief?

I keep turning to Him. Day by day, sometimes hour by hour.

He leads me to healing scriptures or soul lifting worship music.

I pray and listen for that still small voice.

And He answers. In fact, one day recently, I lamented the “what ifs” and the “if onlys.” This is what He revealed.

In this grieving process, I can rest in His presence and depend on the great comforter to wrap me in peace. I can love my family because she left me with a legacy by teaching me how to love. I can keep writing because she believed in the gift God placed within me. I can find solace in knowing that any shortcomings I had as a daughter are under the blood of my Savior, covered by His mercy and grace.

Or I can allow the enemy of my soul to keep tormenting me.

It’s my choice.

Isn’t it good to know that we have a Savior that understands our humanity better than we do?

If you’re going through a difficult season of sadness or grief, please hop over to my website and add your prayer request. I’d love to pray for you.

Many Blessings,

Julia