Grief is a strange beast

Dear Friend,

Grief is a strange beast, isn’t it?

My mind knows my mom is gone, yet my heart forgets from time to time.

This happened on Mother’s Day. I thought, “I’ll stop by and see mom after church.” Except I couldn’t. I’ve come to realize that we visit cemeteries because we all need a place to put our grief. So, that’s where I went.

That day, I couldn’t “talk” to her out loud any more than I could when the hospice nurse said, “She can hear you.” Her body had been failing, and I knew there would come a time when the doctor’s bag of tricks would come up empty. I knew I’d be sad to lose her and glad that heaven had gained her. I knew there’d be regrets.

I knew.

And yet, a world without her and my mother-in-law in it feels wrong. And I wasn’t prepared for the buried memories to surface with blinding clarity.

I wasn’t really prepared at all.

Here I am, months later, and I’m still grudgingly giving grief space. Sometimes it sits next to me as I sip hot tea. Or it catches me by surprise and a powerful rush sucks me under. Or it body slams me, and I gasp for air. Grief is messy.

Maybe you’re grieving today, too. Maybe you still feel a little wrecked, a little broken from the loss.

There are some lovely scripture verses in the Bible.

Matthew 5:4 says those who mourn will be comforted. Psalm 147:3 says the Lord heals the brokenhearted. Revelation 21:4 says He will wipe away every tear.

Feel better? I sure don’t!

I know. I’m treading in dangerous water here, but please hear me out.

Scripture verses aren’t a magic potion for our wounds. And we must be careful tossing them at people as if they will fix everything and eliminate the sadness that makes everyone so uncomfortable.

If we read the words in scripture expecting them to erase our grief, they become band-aids and when a memory surfaces or something else bumps up against our very real and present pain, we’re undone. And I’ve seen some folks grieve their life away, never really healing, unable to move forward, never really learning a doggone thing.

So, what can we do?

We can humbly dump our suffering, regretful, and grieving hearts at the feet of our Lord as we soak in the scriptures, for it’s then, that we activate His Holy words, and they come alive in us. It’s then that we find comfort, peace, and healing.

We keep doing this until our mourning turns into dancing, until the weeping night turns into a morning of rejoicing. And then we say thank you, Lord because to grieve deeply means I have also loved deeply.

And we must never regret that.

Many Blessings,

Julia